Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
