So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
