Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
