Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
