i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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