She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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