I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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