Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
