Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
