i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
