This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
