man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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