I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
