i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
