I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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