he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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