What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
