He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
