Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
