my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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