I think i peed on brittanys purse
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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