Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
