Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
