rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
