we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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