You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
