The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sponge bath it is.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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