Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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