Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
