As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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