So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
