just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
