**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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