So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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