i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
