I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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