on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
