Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
