Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
