I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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