I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
