i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
