Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
