Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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