I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As shirtless as possible
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
