So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
