Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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