I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
