Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
