It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
