I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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