I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
