coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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