i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
