This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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