so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
