maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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