she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
