If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
