That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
