i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
